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Megan

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Charlie Moo's is named after my rather gorgeous and delightful now 3 year old son Charlie, who since time began we have called Moo.   The other star of my life is my beautiful, big ginger curly hair, angel Megan.  I was nearly 20 weeks when I found out I was pregnant with Megan and Moo was nearly 1.  It was a shock especially after nagging Dr's for ages that something was 'quite right' and my first baby was well ... still a baby. 
 
The rest of the pregnancy wasn't great .. it wasn't the joyous experience like first time round, we found out she was a girl and quickly named her Megan Elizabeth Joan Giltrow; Megan as her first name is her identity is important to us that it was her own, Elizabeth beacuse its a beautiful name but not right for first names as it would always be shortened and Joan after both my Grandmother who died when I was a toddler and Daddy Moo's Grandma is also called Joan and who is very dear to us.  As the first due date (I had 2 they weren't quite sure) went and then the 2nd ... I slowly began to get more an more miserable. At this point Daddy Moo had been made redundant and was enjoying spending his time with Moo, giving me plenty of opportunity to rest.  Finally on the 31st July I went into labour and after 3 hours there she was all 6lbs 1 of her.   I must admit this I think is where the first year fell apart.  As I bundled my 2 hour old baby girl into the car and went off to pick up my then 16month old boy it all happened so fast it was overwhelming to say the least.   Moo was at Nanny's, then onto Grandma's, then finally home she was less than 5 hours old and had already met a large proportion of her family and I was shattered. 
 
Everything about the first few months was .. well not the same ... I hated breast feeding Megan which cut me up deep inside Moo was breast exclusive until 8 months old.  #MummyFail number 1
 
I had already started my plans to start Charlie Moo's and not one for sitting about I would work on the website while breast feeding Megan.  Multi tasking at its best or was it just my way of hiding my true feelings #mummyfail number 2.  When it became apparent that things this time weren't quite right and Daddy Moo had a new job, summer holidays had dried up and my family were back at work ....... I was left with 2 children under 18mths.  As a mother I was copying fine as a human being well lets not go there.
 

BabyMegan

My blog point today isn't to go into the inner depths of my depression but more to speak of the joys my beautiful and amazing daughter has bought to my life.  As a baby she was very serious and not very loving, prefering to lay by alone not to bothered about snuggles.  As I started councilling and rebuilding my life, as a human being and not just a baby making machine and carer the most amazing thing happened ... Megan then 1 started to smile and laugh all the time ... so much more than when she was a baby, she started to walk and demand kisses all the time, she suddenly wanted to sit and have cuddles and read books.  As I became happier Megan became more affectionate.  I will never know if the saddness I felt somehow made Megan unaffectionate and to be honest I'm content enough right now not to let this bother me.  All I  know is that I have a fabulous daughter who loves me dearly and if everything else ends tomorrow .... this won't change.
 
What made me remember how lucky I am?? And how brilliant Megan is?? Spending a bit of quality time just the two of us.  We went swimming the other day and today although I had a few emails to write she sat at my desk and drew a picture. Daddy Moo & Charlie Moo have gone to fix Nanny's fence. 
Megan Designing
This quality interactin with my children is what made me work from home. I would much rather work late at night than miss a moment with my babies. Seriously shes a poppet you couldn't not love her.
Megan Designing Cheese
 
So to my lovlies Moo and Megan I love you forever xxx
 
(Sorry for my soppy blog post but I think this is a case of #proud mummy!!)

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  1. Isn't she gorgeous? I had a second (surprise/shock) baby 15.5 months after my first, so I know how hard it is. I would also rather work late at night than miss a moment with my babies.The little one is now nearly 8 months old - we still smile at him and ask "so where did you come from then?"

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  2. Lovely post sweetie - so glad you are feeling better now and the cloud has passed. Look at all you and your family have achieved and feel very proud!

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  3. I read this post about an hour ago and I have not been able to shake the tingling feeling down my spine I have had since. Such an honest, open blog with true feelings shouting through it. So many people are afraid to talk openly about depression (me included) but it shouldn't be that way. Being honest with our feelings can only help ourselves and others. I love the way this shows that depression is not the end, that our beautiful children love and adore us and that should be celebrated and cherished forever! Joanne - the pictures of Megan are just gorgeous, and you know I think this blog is just beautifully written!! X

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  4. Nic

    When the whole baby-baking/ delivering / raising thing doesn't go as we expected it can be such a shock and I know I constantly felt like a failure for a while. Like you, I now look at my gorgeous children and feel nothing but love, so for anyone out there who is struggling, it's perfectly normal, talk to someone about it and soon, like Joanne, you will be the proudest mummy ever x x

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  5. What a lovely post and she does look so adorable. You are an inspiration to other working mums and I think we all appreciate you more for the soppy blog post x

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